Reflections on Trip Home

(Home!)

So I went home. In a word, it was fantastic. I was expecting lots of reverse culture shock, but it wasn't as weird as I had imagined. Even though I hadn't been in the States for over a year, I had still lived nearly 22 years of my life there, so it's not that hard to reacclimate to the modern amenities that we are accustomed to. The bigger "shock", which I didn't expect was how much my perspective/attitude/world view has changed. What really got me was overhearing conversations, specifically when people were complaining. Listening to the little trivialities of their lives that seem worth complaining about made me want to smack them. Is _____ really a big deal when there are people in this world that have to hike a mile to the river to carry water back to their house on their head so that they boil it to drink? Granted, I realize that not everyone has been exposed to what I have, or even if they have, there is a point when you forget it and become wrapped up in your own life, which I understand. That didn't make it any easier to listen to, though.

The specifics of the trip, more or less...

I spent some quality time with my big sis in Santa Cruz. She and her friend Sonja ran a marathon; I ran 10.6 miles (strange distance for a race). I basically won it, which isn't as cool as you think. It was classified as a walk, but they gave me permission to run. A few others jogged, but there were very few actual runners out there. No matter, it was fun, beautiful, and I couldn't have handled the marathon. Afterwards, we got in some good beach time, pedicures and I got to see Sarah :)

Jen and I then road-tripped to Oregon. (Being spoiled with riding around in cars has made it tough to return to chicken busses.) We saw the grandparents, camped at the beach with my parents, helped at my bro's track meet, and just relaxed. Over the weekend I went to visit at Willamette, where I had a blast. I was a little worried about possible awkwardness at coming back after two years, but the awkwardness was very limited (and a little every now and then can be enjoyable). I ran the beer mile while there, which was something I had always wanted to do. I don't know what is appealing about drinking 4 beers while running a mile, but we runners are crazy. It's just like any race really -- during the race you're hurting and perhaps even miserable, but after it you forget all that and remember how great it was.

There are plenty more highlights from the two weeks, but I won't list them. That's boring. Overall, what I really enjoyed was being reminded that I have a life and people that care about me at home. It has given me a new perspective on my time in Guatemala. It helps me to realize that whatever hardships come while here (like a site change) are only temporary. When I get home, it will all be a memory, but it will also be something that has made me who I am. I can see the changes, and I like 'em!

So now, back in Sija...

Before I went home and while there, I caught myself talking relatively negatively about my new site and situation. That's not going to work. I made a committment to myself that from the moment that the plane landed in Guatemala, I would be positive and make the most of my 11 months in Sija. It's not Chahal, but I can't be there right now and if I want to be in Peace Corps Guatemala still, it has to be Sija. And I cannot live 11 months being negative. Normally I'm a pretty positive person (that likes alliteration) anyway, so it shouldn't be too hard. Plus, field work is about to start -- building the trail in the park, planting trees, field trips to check out other projects.

I can do it! But, como siempre, hearing from you is always appreciated :)

For your enjoyment:

Me, Sarah and my hot dog on the beach!

The marathoners and I

Dad and Grandma

Grandpa and JenPost beer-mile

My parents and I... I dont' know why Dad looks so short, or me so tall...

Dad and the dogs. Yes, he has rain jackets for them.

470 days

470 days; 15 ½ months. That’s how long it will have been since I’ve been in the States. Well, unless you count when I went to the US Embassy… technically, I was on U.S. soil. On Friday I’m flying into California to see my sister then we’re driving up to Oregon to see my family and friends. 15 days. I think it will be a good amount. Long enough to take a good break, but not too long. I’m really looking forward to it, but I also know from other volunteers that have gone home that it can be a big let down in some ways. Besides my family and a few close friends, the world isn’t waiting for my return. People have their own lives. I’m sure I will see people who haven’t even realized I’ve been gone. But that’s okay. This break will be wonderful despite that.

I need to take a step away from my life here and gain a new perspective on it. I’m not as happy as I was in Chahal, but I would like to be. I know that I have been holding myself back from happiness with all the comparisons that I make between the two sites and just the general longing for Chahal. Yes, it sucks that all this happened, but to be cliché, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In a year I am going to be so damn strong! Under no circumstances am I ready to be done with Guatemala or with the Peace Corps, therefore, that means that I will be living in San Carlos Sija for the next 11 ½ months. So we have that settled. I also really enjoy being happy; thus, I must find how to be happy here. I have had a lot of qualms lately with being in such an urban, developed area. Gosh, I even have two sinks in my house. I haven’t had a sink since I came here. Where’s the hardship? But by changing my perspective, I am able to realize that I still encounter plenty of hardship, it just manifests itself in other ways. Also, I can still learn a lot from this community and contribute a lot as well.

Coming to Sija has helped me to realize that a small town in Guatemala can be developed and inhabited by an educated population. I would not call this the third world.

Despite all the advancements in Sija, there is still one very large problem: environmental degradation. That’s where I come in. Maybe they don’t need development help in other areas, but I would sure love to clean up the river and build a trail in the forest. First things first, though: a little jaunt home. Then, when I come back in May, I will be ready to be a Sijeña for a year.

FONACON

Remember when I was attacked by a pack of dogs in November? Remember why? I was biking home from the muni at nearly midnight because we were putting the finishing touches on a HUGE grant proposal for Las Conchas. Well, drum roll please.... SALIO APROBADO!! We got it, or mejor, they got it. I found out last week that the muni of Chahal will receive the Q299,095.53 that we had asked for (approximately $40,000). I am so excited for them and happy that all that work paid off. But admittedly, I am pretty bummed that I won't be there to execute the project with them. Yeah, I helped them get the money, which is fantastic, but they still need help doing the work to see the project through. It makes me feel miserable. I know it's not my fault, that's not what I'm talking about. What I mean is that I feel so sad that I can't see it through to the end. I feel like it's MY park and now I don't get to be a part of it. I want to whine like a child "it's not fair."

Fotos from the other side of Guatemala

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2037598&id=27500355&l=52e620a1af

Starting Over

(Cerro Sija, right behind town -- where we will be developing a park and trail.)

I finally am in a new site where I will stay for the next year and it feels pretty good. Although I miss Chahal terribly and always will, at least I’m no longer moving from hotel to hotel in Antigua. San Carlos Sija is a good place yet it’s hard not to compare. I need to not do that though because obviously it will greatly hinder my experience here, and I simply won’t be happy. I like to be happy.

One thing that will make the transition complete and make me feel more at home is finding a house. I am still somewhat homeless. I’m right now staying with the family of one of my counterparts, Verney, and have not unpacked. They are wonderful people, but I need some personal space and the ability to cook again. (This past week I have been inflicted one by one with a cold, a fever, and diarrhea. I want to make my own food.) Also, they live outside of town which makes it difficult for me to integrate into the community, and it’s just a hassle when I want to take a break during the day or play with my dog. And then there’s Don Chepito. He lives here with Verney’s family. He’s a scrawny old man with no teeth. He told me the other day he weighs 110 lbs. He’s hilarious to talk to, although he’s starting getting on my nerves. He doesn’t believe me that I can run or hike; it’s been funny, but it finally got to me. The other night we were talking about my trip to Cabricán, a neighboring town, the next day, where it was fería and my friend Sara lives there. Mayra, the girl who lives here, asked me how I was going to get there. I jokingly said that I’m going to walk. Don Chepito told me matter-of-factly that he can make it there walking, but that I would collapse half-way. Ay, I just get tired of hearing it day in and day out that I can’t do anything remotely physical. Although, the next day, I headed out to go for a run with Patita and we ran into Don Chepito. He grabbed my dog from me and told me to show him how I run. I said, “No, give me my dog. You can watch as I run away.” But instead he started running with her. So I ran. Then he started sprinting (picture this short, skinny, wrinkly, toothless old man with a cowboy hat), so of course I had to beat him. Hopefully that’ll shut him up for awhile.

Speaking of Patita, she is growing up very nicely. I was a terrible mother and left her for a month up in Chiabal, the site I was in for a week. The family did me a huge favor in taking care of her, even though she was being a pain in the ass. Of course, though, when I finally got her back she was dirty and skinny. But I have since taken care of that. Plus, I run with her – she does pretty well, and I let her sleep in my bed with me (we spooned the other night). She’s behaving better now. She no longer comes into the kitchen and eats chicken off the counter, and she even sits on command! There’s a big German Shepard that lives here whom she loves to play with … even if he doesn’t always appreciate it. She doesn’t realize, though, that he could fit her whole head in his mouth if he wanted to! I am so incredibly glad that I have her with me, although it makes my house hunt a bit more difficult, but we will find something soon. Most houses here are pegged right together and people keep their dogs on the roofs. I won’t do that to her, even though she does snore.

One of the hardest parts about the transition to Sija is that I have to start all over with my project and my community integration. In Chahal we had a lot going on, plus I had fantastic work relationships and friendships in town. I know that I will develop that again, but it is a pain in the ass to start over. Also, where I’m at now in the western part of the country, there is an extremely high concentration of volunteers. Plus, life is just easier out here. It’s a good support system to have if needed, but I miss the days when I was 3 hours from the next volunteer, 5 hours from a city, and would go more than a month without leaving. But, just because I’m near all these volunteers, does not mean that I have to throw myself into the PCV party scene. Although, this Friday I am going to the Vicente Fernandez concert!

(I went to Sara's town, Cabrican, for the feria a couple of weeks ago. They built this tower and lined the whole thing with fire works. The grand finale was the top turning into a crown and a halo flying off into the sky. Before, they also had smaller versions (a helicopter, a naked woman and a bull) which men put on and ran around with as the fireworks shot off into the crowd.)

Here in Sija I am not the first volunteer, but I am the first ecotourism volunteer, which I prefer. (There were municipal development volunteers here before me.) I like having that ownership of the project. For the week that I was in Chiabal, Todos Santos, it was difficult trying to figure out what the volunteer I was replacing had done and had planned out for the future. So now I get to start the work and make it my own. And there’s actually a lot to be done which will keep me busy and keep me from missing Chahal too much. The ecotourism potential here isn’t that great, at least for international tourism – it’s nothing like Las Conchas. But, it is a lot more accessible – only 30 minutes from the second largest city in Guatemala. Right behind town is a huge hill with a beautiful forest. There’s already money for us to develop it ecotouristically. The other ecotourism site is Agua Caliente, which is only 15 minutes of the Interamerican Highway, so it has some big potential. A big part of my work here will be more related to forestry and helping develop and execute a sustainable management plan of a forest here (i.e. some logging with lots of reforestation). Supposedly, it’s the first of its kind in the region. We're working with Helvetas, a Swiss-funded NGO. I’ll also being doing environmental education, but more checking up on the teachers than actually giving the classes myself. I also want to help the town improve its trash management with a sanitary landfill, trash collection and recycling. You should see the “river” that runs through town. Not only is it full of trash but the sewage from the houses is funneled directly into it. (One of the houses that I found is on the bank of the river… it could be a great place – it has a yard where Patita could run around – but it also is too too close to the stench of that beautiful river.)

(My coworker Marta and I in the forest Colojitez measuring trees.)

(Agua Caliente... one of my sites. I sat in this pool staring at the woods for an hour!)

One of the best parts about Sija is that I have found running partners (and not just Patita). I run with the doctor at noon, if I’m not busy at work. And once I move into town, I’ll have an early a.m. running buddy when I can’t make the noontime run. So, I suppose it’ll work for a year. Poco a poco I’ll feel at home… although Chahal will always be the Guatemalan pueblo that I call home.

Por fin, an address, now you can send me things!

Still no house, but at least I have a town. My new address is:

Audrey Squires
Municipalidad de San Carlos Sija
San Carlos Sija, Quetzaltenango
Guatemala, Centro América

Letters and care packages are always welcome :) I'll write an update on the story of my life in the next few days, in the mean time you can check out the website of my town: www.sancarlossija.com.

I guess it's about time to update you all...

... but where to begin?


Easy stuff first. Here's an address for me that will work for the rest of my time here. It's of the Peace Corps office. Eventually I'll have an address in my site... once I have a site...


Audrey Squires
Cuerpo de Paz
Apartado Postal 66
Antigua Guatemala
Sacatepequez 03001
Guatemala, Centro America


Okay, let's delve into this. My life has been completely turned upside down, and then thrown into a blender and shaken around. You could call me a milk shake, but not the kind that brings boys to the yard.

Last time I wrote I explained that I was leaving Chahal and moving to a village on the other side of the country, high up in the mountains, very different from my jungle life in Chahal. I thought it was a great idea to go for that site -- a complete change from what I had experienced. If I had to leave Chahal, why not make the most of it? What I didn't realize, is that I wasn't going to feel comfortable. Many of you know why, but I didn't feel like writing about it yet.

The thing is, I was attacked while I was running in Chahal. **I'm okay.** But I realized once I got to Chiabal, the new site, a very rural site, that I was freaked out by the isolation. I felt like people were hiding in the bushes (because that's how it happened in Chahal). I couldn't live a year like that. Thus, Peace Corps is working with me to find a place that I will be safe and comfortable in because I am not ready to be done with Guatemala, even if it is trying to get rid of me!

Within the next couple of days, I will be checking out a new possibility, which looks very promising. It's more urban, has a really pilas (gung-ho) counterpart, more volunteers are nearby. I didn't need all this before, but it seems I do now, which is okay. I'm just glad I was able to realize it and be honest with myself -- I don't always have to be as tough as I think I am.

Once it's a done deal, I'll let you all know the mystery site!